Reality Show Host Wreck

Some people would call it creative, but I call it "we didn't want to try to get a good host, so now we are stuck with you shitty hosts". Ever since it was announced that the Emmy's would be hosted by the 5 Reality Show hosts that were nominated for the new category of Best Reality Show host, I have slowly been cringing the thought of watching that train wreck in September. The worst part about the new category of Best Reality Show host is that most of those reality shows are only popular, not because of the host, but because of the content of the show. Now, add in a mindless host, and then you can have a show. To really understand the cringe factor of this idea, one must examine each of the 5 hosts to fully understand the unnecessary of the situation.

First we have Ryan Seacrest. Ryan came into our radar as one of the (yea remember two) co-hosts of American Idol during its inaugural season. They were the fillers when Simon would make some unsuspecting, but totally deserving young aspiring musician cry. I vaguely remembered either of their names that first season and never thought of them as two separate entities. Now Ryan Seacrest has taken over the world and someone must have told him that he is funny, because now he thinks he is a comedian. I would have thought the ATAS would avoid the trainwreck that was last year's Emmy's, but as I said, Ryan Seacrest is taking over the world and our consciousness.
Next we have Heidi Klum. The only reason Heidi hosts Project Runway is because she created it and pretty much controls everything. No one watches the show to see what witty things Heidi is going to say about Christian's clothing or what humorous joke she is going to tell while in judging. People watch the show because America is addicted to watching people make things that resemble clothing, and because Bravo does those damn marathons in the middle of the day.


Then there is Jeff Probst, you know, the guy who narrates stuff on that show where the people get stuck on an island for a long period of time. I ever know a point that I watched the show for Jeff Probst. I don't think I even learned what his name was until the third season because people really don't care what he does on that show. Screech could host that show and it would still be the same show (I would probably watch that though). The point is, what does Jeff bring to Survivor that any other K List star couldn't?


Unfortunately next we have Tom Bergeron, the host of America's Stupidest, I mean, Funniest Home Videos. The show were parents send in videos of their children that could slightly be construed as child abuse and dogs stiff people's butts. That show has been the same since Danny Tanner hosted it, but apparently Tom Bergeron should be allowed to keep me entertained for 3 hours while a bunch of predictable shows win awards. He can barely keep me entertained for an hour of family video footage.


Finally we have the worst of the five, Howie Mandel, the host of the suitcase game show. I never understood the Deal or No Deal phenomenon. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason it is popular is because of the scantily clad dressed women holding boxes. I definitely do not watch that show because of Howie Mandel, but apparently people do. Remember back about 10 years ago when Howie was the host of his own talk show. I unfortunately used to watch it. I even saw a young Britney tell me to hit her one more time. Anyways, Bobby's World is going to think that his career as a below mediocre comedian means that his right to host the Emmys means he can make stupid jokes and blind me with his bald head.


Ever since Reality Shows began to take over the world, now their hosts have begun taking over our world also. So in September, don't be scared when Howie makes inappropriately crud comments, Tom pretends that what he says amuses people, Jeff continues to dress like a lost member of the cast of Zulu, Ryan jokes about his metrosexuality, and Heidi stands around and looks pretty.