Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I guess I will come back now
Exclusive: Bryan Fuller's Rx for 'Heroes'
Dec 10, 2008, 06:17 PM | by Michael Ausiello
Pushing Daisies fans will probably take a hit out on me for saying this, but something good has come out of the comedy's untimely death: It's freed up Bryan Fuller to rescue Heroes from the villain known as "What the Frak Have They Done to a Once-Great Show?!" In his first interview since rejoining the series as a consultant, the writer-producer-genius behind such acclaimed season 1 hours as "Company Man" reveals where it all went wrong, what it'll take to make it right, and who's gonna have to be sacrificed before that can happen.
AUSIELLO: Where did Heroes go wrong, in your opinion?
BRYAN FULLER: It became too dense and fell into certain sci-fi trappings. For instance, in the “Villains” arc, when you talk about formulas and catalysts, it takes the face off the drama. And I think the goal for everybody is to put a face back on the drama. You have to save something with a face; otherwise you don’t understand what you’re caring about. I thought the "Villains" arc started out very interestingly, and then became sort of muddy and dense and I couldn't get my hooks into the characters to understand their motivations. I also started to feel confused about what people's abilities were. One of the great things about the first season is that the metaphor for their abilities was very clear. Those metaphors seem to have gotten complicated in the past two seasons. I share that concern with everybody on the writing staff. It's not like I'm coming in and saying, "This is what you need to do to fix it!" Everybody knows what needs to be fixed and everybody is sort of rowing in that direction.
Your work starts with episode 19, yes?
Yes. I'm fortunate to be coming into a very exciting story line. [Former co-exec producers] Jeph [Loeb] and Jesse [Alexander], before they left the show, set so many great events in motion with the "Fugitives" arc [kicking off Feb. 2]. It really is a fresh start. All of the characters are back in their real lives. You see Peter as a paramedic. Claire is looking for colleges. We get away from the world of formulas and quasi-magic.
Are the "Fugitives" episodes leading up to 19 solid?
Yes. Episodes 14, 15 and 16 are amazing. The whole "Fugitives" arc starts out very strongly, and then it gets a little dense in the middle in terms of the mythology. So I came in right at the point where everybody was realizing, "Oh, we're getting too dense here and we need to put faces on stories because there is no face to a formula; there is no face to saving the world." So it's turning this big ship back into a character stream, and everyone on the writing staff shares that desire. We need to get back into a character place, because that's where this story started: Very clean, superhero metaphors to everyday life. That's the path that we're taking. But it is a big ship so it's going to take a little while to turn it.
Any plans to trim the sprawling cast?
People will die. And some will return. Matt’s wife [Janice] comes back. We’ll find out what happens when you have a superbaby. We're also going to tell fewer stories per episode. We're going to limit it to three or four with one big one that you can wrap the stories around. We're altering the structure of the show so that there's a very clear A story that takes up a larger percentage of the show so that that story gets traction.
Are you looking at Season 4 as a complete reboot of the series?
It's not necessarily a reboot as much as it is going back to the basic spirit of the show and pulling people back in. I don't think the issues with the show have been about the serialization as much as about the density of the stories that have been serialized.
Will you be part of the show next season?
That's the idea.
Will the recent behind-the-scenes changes at NBC impact the show at all?
It's really hard to imagine Heroes without [Universal Media Studios president] Katherine Pope, because she has been such a proponent of the show. She was so instrumental in [setting] the tone and style of the show in the first season. She is as vital a piece as any of the players on the show at this moment. Her contribution can't be undervalued. It'll be very interesting to see how things shake out.
What's your working relationship with series creator Tim Kring been like since returning?
It's actually been very positive.
Who gets final say: you or Tim?
Tim. I’m a consultant. My job is to help facilitate the vision of the show, and the vision has been a little inconsistent. But “Fugitives” is such a great sea change. I think people who have been critical of Heroes will come back.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
...possibly too far. Whatever happened to the innocent, non-death implying "dustings" Buffy taught us about so well. Is it really necessary to have all the blood come pouring out of his mouth dousing Sookie like she is in some sort of water bondage video. Then his skin and other undead parts come unraveling down and gather messily up on the floor. Really, was all of that needed to show that Bill killed his own kind? Apparent vampire deaths are disgusting in the True Blood universe, unlike Buffy's de-humaning of vampires, because every time a vampire's 'dead' body is found, the reactions on the characters' faces is quite disturbing.
Anyways, vampire death by a vampire means that we get to see a vampire tribunal next week. The previews for the next episode made it totally look like the beginning of The Warriors, so we can only hope for an assassination of the lead vampire, saving Bill, making him have to escape all the other vampires as he tries to get back to Coney Island, I mean Bon Temps, LA.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sci Fi Channel's Press Release from last week concerning the return of Battlestar Galactica:
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA RETURNS ON SCI FI
JOURNEY’S END DRAWS NEAR FOR ACCLAIMED SERIES
Final Episodes to Begin January 16, 2009
New York, NY – October 16, 2008 – On Friday, January 16, 2009 at 10PM ET/PT, SCI FI’s critically acclaimed drama series Battlestar Galactica will return with the remaining episodes of its 4th and final season. The 10-week run will culminate with the series finale on March 20th.
Picking up from last June’s jarring cliffhanger – the Colonial fleet and their new Cylon allies led by Admiral Adama and the Galactica crew discover Earth to find it a barren nuclear wasteland – the finale season promises to be rife with drama, action and revelation.
Battlestar Galactica is the gripping saga of humanity's last remnants and their struggle to find a new home while fleeing from their deadly Cylon enemies. Redefining the space opera with its gritty realism, Galactica’s intensity, issues-driven topicality, and command performances have garnered it numerous awards, including three Emmys and the prestigious George Foster Peabody Award. The show was twice recognized by the American Film Institute (AFI) as one of the most outstanding programs of the year. The series is executive produced by Ronald D. Moore and David Eick, and the outstanding ensemble cast is led by Edward James Olmos, Mary McDonnell, Katee Sackhoff, Jamie Bamber, James Callis, Tricia Helfer and Grace Park.
Being the loser that I am and totally pumped for the return, I created this (but totally stole the idea from The Chicago Tribune)
I am that fracking cool!
Monday, October 27, 2008
No, Johnny, you don't sound like a chauvinist at all. Everyone should know where you believe their strengths lie.
10. "The Middle Earth Paradigm"- The Big Bang Theory
Oh to go back to the days when you couldn't figure out if it was cool to go trick-or-treating or go bash mailboxes with your friends. The great dichotomy of everyone episode is comparing the activities of the geeks to the activities of the freaks. Sam goes trick-or-treating with Bill and Neal, while Lindsey decides to go hang out with the "freaks" drive about town causing havoc. Even though the series takes place in 1980, it is the most true to the actual life as a teenager, especially when deciding if you are young enough to still go trick-or-treating which i maintain I am still young enough to do.
7. "Escape from Witch Island"- Dawson's Creek
In an effort to add excitement to a dull school project, Dawson decides to make a documentary, with the help of Joey, Pacey and Jen. The gang head to a small island near Capeside, rumoured to be haunted by the ghosts of some 18th century girls, killed after being accused to witchcraft. Joey finds similarities between her own life and that of one of the dead girls. After some exploratory conversations, Jen and Pacey make the decision to become more than just good friends, albeit on a casual basis causing awkwardness and Pacey's slow realization that he is in love with Joey.
Ahh, the Slutty Pumpkin episode. Essentially the same as The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, except, the great pumpkin is a girl dressed as a pumpkin who Ted learned studies penguins and combines Kaluha and root beer to make a drink known as the Tootsie Roll because it tastes like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll whom Ted met at a Halloween Party in 2001. Ted waits around every year because he forgot to give his phone number to this girl, thus causing him to go to the same Halloween party every year awaiting the "Slutty Pumpkin".
Talk about nostalgia. When I think of halloween episodes I always think of this. Even though it didn't air as the halloween episode, it is still one of the greats from a tv series that allowed my uneventful friday nights as a young pre-teen bareable. Pretty much the entire episode is mocking typical halloween-type horror films and uses many of the themes in horror films to carry the plot of the episode. Even Jennifer Love Hewitt makes an appearance as the unforgettable Jennifer Love Fefferman.
4. "Haunted"- Dead Like Me
A crazed serial killer strikes on Halloween, and the reapers must pick up all the souls of the victims. The busy workday cuts into George and Mason's trick-or-treating, while back at home, Joy must casole Reggie into the Halloween spirit following a session with a psychologist. Can't give too much away about this episode because it is the series finale, but isn't that perfect. The halloween episode is the final episode of a tv show about reepers...awesome.
The Simpsons annual Treehouse of Horror is a look forward to even come Halloween season, but the glory days of the Treehouse of Horror came last century, circa 1994. Treehouse of Horror V told three stories: The Shinning, Time and Punishment, and Nightmare Cafeteria. The most well known story from this episode would of course have to be The Shinning. Pretty much the Simpsons become caretakers of Mr Burns mansion, Homer becomes insane (Jack is a dull boy style) because there isn't a television, tries to murder his entire family, but everything is put back to normal once Homer finds a television. Moral of the story: lack of tv watching may lead to murder.
3. "Treehouse of Horror V"- The Simpsons
South Park is always known for their holiday episodes, from Timmy's retarded turkey to the Christmas poo, but when you think about great South Park Halloween episodes, yes many come to mind, but everyone remembers Spookyfish. Pretty much the plot was a bunch of beings from an alternate universe (the 'other' South Park) show up in the real South Park (very Doctor Who style) and cause havoc. The "spookyvision" of the episode really did increase the scare-factor of the show, I know Barbra Streisand scares me constantly.
(I couldn't embed this, so go watch it there)
My all time favorite Halloween episode has to be Halloween from the second season of Buffy. It is a running joke from the series that Halloween is the safest day of the year for the slayer because Vampires think of Halloween as a day of rest and don't hunt of Halloween, but every other year Buffy had a Halloween themed episode. This episode is great because it questions they what if scenario of what if someone cast a spell on everyone to make them into the costume they are wearing. This would mean small children would turn into witches and goblins, but most importantly, adults would turn into military soldiers (Xander), Damsel in distress (Buffy), and a slutty ghost (Willow).Happy Halloween television watching!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Forget watching Sci Fi marathons, that is not necessary anymore for The Outer Limits. You can now own the entire series of The Outer Limits on DVD. What is The Outer Limits you say? First I will gasp to myself, second I will silently judge you, but third I will tell you what The Outer Limits is. Some say that The Outer Limits was a rip off of The Twilight Zone, I tell those people to set themselves on fire. Alright, Outer Limits is very similar to The Twilight Zone, but Outer Limits has more of a science fiction leaning, as opposed to the fantasy approach of the Twilight Zone. Each episode of the series was episodic and not serial. Each episode having their own plot twists, characters, and story line. Each episode would be introduced by the control voice introducing the viewer to the story being told that episode.
Why do I like Outer Limits? Well Gene Roddenberry was influenced a lot by many of the monsters introduced in the series. Many of the monsters were reused in different episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series and were mentioned throughout the series. The Outer Limits influence on Star Trek carried on throughout both series. Even when the original Outer Limits ended, many of the writers and people involved in the Outer Limits decided to work on the set of Star Trek and continue the Gene Roddenberry- Outer Limits connection.
So now when you are sitting on the couch flipping through the stations and come across an Outer Limits marathon on Sci Fi, just think that you could be watching this on dvd. Yea, think about that.
Also available for your viewing pleasure:
For more Sci Fi marathon watching- The Incredible Hulk The Complete Series
For the teenager (I mean mutant teenager) in us all- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 2
For those wanting some original programming- The original Knight Rider The Entire Series
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Looking at the Democrat leanings, I immediately look at I Love New York. What makes that show more akin to the party of the people as opposed to Rock of Love which is more akin to the Grand Ole Party. I am pretty sure I watch both and that most people I know watch both. They are both on VH1, many times would air following each other, but still have party leanings. I could stereotype here to figure out why they have their particular partisan alignment, but I will do that in my head, as you are probably doing right now. Eff it, essentially what they are saying is a show about a crazy black woman Democrats like and a show featuring an entire house full of rednecks would obviously be favorable to Republicans.
What makes this list even more interesting is aligning your television show watching with the particular partisan audience it matches up to. I like South Park, Doctor Who, The Colbert Report, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but none of the shows that are supposedly equal to both party television watchers. Does that make me a flip flopper because I don't specifically align myself with my fellow party television watchers? Should I start watching Damages because I am a Republican, because I can't stand that show? Or, should I start watching Ax men because I am a democrat because I don't particularly like any of those crazy job shows on the History Channel. I would really like someone to explain to me why a British show has a Republican leaning, that still doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it is because The Doctor wears those nice suits. Republicans like their suits.
Monday, October 20, 2008
When analyzing a good law/ quasi legal show, one must first identify the accuracy of the stories being presented. Law and Order in its early days had shows of typical homicide type stories. It reminded you of what life is like as a lawyer trying these particular cases. Now, they have outrageous stories that are so unfamiliar to the real world, that you feel like you are viewing into the world of super-law, as opposed to what one would do if they actually veered into that profession. Yes, Law and Order makes shows based on actual legal trials and important headlining stories from around the nation, but it veils the Manhattan District Attorney's office as the most glamorous legal job anyone could have (ummm...).
Most shows are not as "formal" as Law and Order, in that they are not just lawyers sitting around arguing cases. Many create this sexually tense, angered, obviously not real office settings. There is Boston Legal where everyone is having sex with each other, LA Law where everyone is having sex with each other, The Practice where everyone is having sex with each other, oh and Night Court where everyone just hates the fact that they are working at a night court, oh and everyone is having sex with each other. Remember people, sex sells, and when you can't get hot lawyers wearing skimpy clothing, actual sex sells.
Even with new shows such as Raising the Bar, the prosecutors and the public defenders have immense sexual tension between one another. My friend who worked at public defenders office all of this past summer, can account that a public defender would not sleep with a prosecutor, unless very drunk or said prosecutor wore a very short skirt (said friend is not a feminist). Practice settings are essential to create a law melodrama. People don't like constantly watching trials, well the majority of people don't like constantly watching trials (unfortunately I interact with people who do). Television viewers need sex, hate, love, and crazy alcoholics (that is you Denny Crane). Practice settings aren't real or accurate, but they keep me interested in a mundane themed show.
Finally when assessing a good legal show, one must look at the accuracy of the show to real life, regardless of the content, or the interactions amongst, but focus on what the show tells us about law. Law and Order reminds us that good will always come through in the end, meaning that "good" is the prosecution and "bad" is the defense. It makes me think that NBC is trying to brainwash us with "good versus evil" mentalities when it comes to law. This I define as not being accurate. Night Court makes us think that everything that happens in a law is funny, that most cases are stupid, but that life as a lawyer could be fun, not well paid, and something that could fill a 30-minute time spot.
There have been many law shows on television, but really none capture the actual legal reality that Boston Legal does. Yes, most of the time it is over the top, and many times the lawyers act ways in the courtroom that would most likely get them in contempt of court or even disbarred, but the cases presented and the arguments made on the show are as close to accurate that one is going to get in a legal based show. Balancing entertainment with a profession that really isn't entertaining to most of the public is hard. Boston Legal is one of the only shows that can do that while still presenting great legal story lines.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
'Children in Need' Could United All Surviving Doctors
(stolen from Wired)
Sunday was a big day for Doctor Who news -- or at least for a fierce rumor fans hope is genuine Who news.
November's BBC Children in Need telethon made it a tradition in recent years to feature some sort of Who special as part of its fundraiser programming. Last year's show offered a Steven Moffat-written mini-episode, "Time Crash," bringing together current Doctor David Tennant and '80s version Peter Davison.
Now, reports claim the seven surviving actors who played The Doctor will reunite for this year's special. That means Tennant and Davison would join Tom Baker, Colin Baker, Sylvestor McCoy, Paul McGann and Christopher Eccleston for a reunion fans thought was impossible.
As for the 10th version of the Time Lord, Tennant is either walking away at the end of 2009's four special episodes, or he's looking to sign on through 2011. The only announcement on the situation that matters will come from the BBC and Tennant.
Now all we have to hope for is a Doctor Who movie and I am set, well not for life because that would mean that I have little to live for, but it would make things better. Veronica Mars movie might set me for life. Rob Thomas, you know you want to make it...yes, you do.
Don't mock me!
All the other seasons of Project Runway have been so predictable, ok maybe the first season wasn't, but that was just because I was mad Austin wasn't in the final three. BUT I was super excited last night when Leanne won. Her line was the best and her clothes were great the entire season (but I really don't have any authority or knowledge in the area. I dress like a homeless person). Also, I really didn't want Kenley to win. She is so negative, says the person who is always negative. Maybe if you hadn't yelled at the judges every time they criticized your work, then maybe you would have had that contract (not that you deserved it). Also, you stole Jerell's spot. Now Project Runway is moving to Lifetime, which is dumb because I watch Bravo constantly, and I never watch Lifetime because it is depressing, but so is life (no pun intended, well maybe a little intended). The next season is also taking place in Los Angeles which is also dumb because New York is the epicenter of US fashion, which I learn every week on The Hills (did I just admit that?). Yea I know, right. Not fierce.
Anyways, farewell Project Runway, us Bravo lovers will miss you.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Yea, this show was great and was canceled. This show had great writing, great acting, critical praise, and a large cult following, but ABC decided that it wasn't fit enough to remain on air. Who stared from Sports Night? umm everyone. Felicity Huffman of Desperate Housewives fame, Joshua Malina aka Will Bailey from West Wing, William H Macy who is in effing everything, and that kid in Dead Poets Society who was obsessed with Chet Danberry's girlfriend. Who wrote the series? Well that would be Aaron Sorkin who created a little known series call The West Wing.
The premise of the show was about a fictional Sports Television news show and the pitfalls that would occur. I always enjoy a television series that doesn't just rely on the typical tv cliches: police procedural drama, legal drama, and medical dramas. It is as if everytime a network can't steal a television series from another country that just try to figure out another way to spin some type of procedural shit. Back to Sports Night, they pretty much made fun of sports news shows such as Sportscenter using the rapid fire speaking Aaron Sorkin is known for from West Wing.
The show was canceled after 2 seasons by ABC, but after being given offers by mutiple other stations such as HBO and Showtime, Sorkin decided to go against those offers and focus on his developing series The West Wing. Looking back on it now, I kinda want to punch him in the face, but also I love my West Wing, so I guess I can't hate too much.
I like when they release television shows on dvd that no one remembers. Well I remember this show because my mom used to watch it all the time and it scared the shit out of me. How do you explain Beauty and the Beast? Well if you think it is similar to the movie (the one where candles sing and dance and clocks say witty things), then you are somewhat right. Pretty much the television show was teenage mutant ninja turtles meets Romeo and Juliet meets that Goo Goo Dolls song Iris (god I loved that song back in the day).
Essentially the plot is about Vincent who is a cat like man-beast who is a noble man and lives in the sewers and Catherine, an assistant district attorney working in New York. Pretty much Catherine is over worked, doesn't have a life, etc then meets man-cat-beast living in the sewers. Love becomes inevitable. The scary part about the entire series is that Vincent remains the beast throughout the 3 seasons, allowing his inner beauty to remain the focus instead of a dying flower and witch casting a spell on a castle. So as a young child watching a cat-man-beast really can begin to get to you.
Now available in non-sewer dvd stores everywhere.
Also available (keeping it in the family)
My dad's favorite math solves everything show- Numb3ers Season 4
My Brother's favorite non-talking Brit- The Best of Mr. Bean Vol 2
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
There is so much wrong with this interview. TVs in 1929, FDR president when the stock market crashed, crying at the pro football hall of fame (wha?), to equating the Obama campaign ad that McCain doesn't know how to use a computer to his inconsiderate incompetence... wait, John McCain doesn't know how to use a computer? My Grandma knows how to use a computer. Dude, you have been a senator since the dawn of the technological age and you still don't know how to operate one of the easiest pieces of technology?
So pretty much we can say, if Joe Biden is being himself, then being himself means being an idiot. Oh this campaign is effed up. I am going to go watch John Adams now to remind me a of a time when our government was ...uhh intelligent.
From New York Times Op Ed Artilce- Aaron Sorkin Conjures a Meeting of Obama and Bartlett
OBAMA: What would you do?
BARTLET: GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Now you don't have to wait until ABC plays these movies on their respective holidays. You can watch them whenever you want! Isn't that effing awesome? Because I sure think so. Anyways, the ability to watch It's A Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown in July, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving in January, or A Charlie Brown Christmas in NOW. Speaking of the Great Pumpkin, I was just in the pumpkin patch waiting for the giant pumpkin, but then I remembered that I actually need to do that on Halloween. It is like waiting for Santa Claus on Memorial Day. He never shows up. So I will wait until the later end of the upcoming month. Who's in?
Charlie Brown just makes me nostalgia and super excited for all things holiday, and when I say holiday, I mean from October 31-Jan 12th (yea my Mom believes Christmas should last in to January; she claims it's religious, but I think she just likes the decorations). I am pretty sure Christmas music starts playing soon. I mean, it has to start 3 months in advance so I am tired of it by Christmas. Great Pumpkin!
Ahhhh Loves it- This American Life Season 1
For the I have no further use for this witness- Boston Legal Season 4
For the television watching incompetent- Two and a Half Men- Season 4
Monday, September 22, 2008
I haven't done one of these segments in a while and that last post just got me in the mood to reprise it.
So what if you and your houtey toutey friends were doing lunch and ordering bananas foster, when your friend starts choking on her sugar cookie (which is always unfortunate). One of your other friends does the heimlich, but you get hit my the projectile cookie flying from your choking friend's mouth, which causes your hand to fly up to be prevented from getting hit in the head with a cookie. Oh shit though, that causes your arm to catch on fire from the bananas foster that is on flamming (like bon fire flaming) behind you. God, catching on fire is a terrible way to die, but catching on fire in the country club is just unfortunate, and also pretty crappy, but also really amusing.
...also, tasers are funny. Especially when they are used on others (they are not funny when they are used on you).
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Oh the Emmys. The award show that pretends that there is no other television in the world than the shows in America, and that there is no other television worth watching than the ones a bunch of people in the academy deem are good. Without further ado, here is my analysis of this years Emmys...
The Emmy for the worst opening monologue ever, and this includes every night Jimmy Kimmel believes he is funny goes to:
This year! Yeah, it's the Emmys hosted by 5 nominees that everyone knew was going to crash and burn, but who introduces the show first? That would be the lovely and not very talented Oprah Winfrey who apparently thinks she has the ability to be funny. No Oprah, you do not possess this ability and neither do the hosts of the show you are introducing. Heidi Klum, Ryan Seacrest, Tom Bergeron, Jeff Probst, and Howie Mandel attempted everything to make that monologue (or lack there of) funny. From pretending to not have anything prepared (which is exactly how it looks, so you win), to having Howie Mandel make quasi humorous comments about Sarah Palin, to making fun of Ryan Seacrest's failure which was hosting last year's Emmys. They even had William Shatner strip off Heidi Klum's clothing. The funniest part of the entire thing was when Jeremy Piven received the first Emmy commented on the tragedy which was the opening monologue. If Shakespeare would have written it, they would have all died at the end.
How do you make up for an atrocious monologue?
Have actual comedians introduce categories as often as possible to keep audience unaware that letting Ryan Seacrest host the Emmys two years in a row is a terrible idea. Comedians such as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will work nicely to fill the time with amusing material because them just saying hello in many different languages produced more laughter from the audience than the monologue did. Or even better, have Ricky Gervais introduce the most useless category where the winner of the award is actually directing the current programming. Conan O'Brien, Steve Martin, and Don Rickles will allow your show to not be a complete disaster.
The Emmy for the funniest category nominee introduction goes to:
Outstanding writing for a variety show blah blah, pretty much the shit that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert do. Funny not because of the comedic stylings of Hayden Panettiere and Jennifer Love Hewitt (it that's possible), but because the writers for those shows actually came up their own introduction. Yeah it is funny every year, but it still amuses me, unlike 3 and a Half Men.
The Emmy for the most endearing acceptance speech goes to:
Tommy Smothers for still being the political and social commentator he was 50 years ago.
...and then there was Josh Groban...singing a medley of tv show theme songs...
that is already giving me nightmares
Emmy for the Biggest Dick move by the Emmy producers goes to:
When the Emmy producers interrupted Kirk Ellis who won for outstanding writing for a miniseries or movie while he was actually giving an interesting acceptance speech. we can listen to entire acceptance speeches by boring actors (yes Glenn Close, that includes you), but when an articulate, great writer is giving a well done substantive acceptance speech, you effing cut to commercial? Dick move.
Best Presenter/Winner/ Comedian goes to:
Effing Don Rickles Man. Anyone who can silence Kathy Griffen is talented because that is hard.
Emmy for the biggest upset goes to:
Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad. Yeah Jon Hamm, I see those tears. Hide them better. Yeah everyone and their brother pretty much thought you had that in the bag, but Bryan is amazing as a meth producing chemistry teacher. You are just an advertising exec who drinks all day and has other extra curricular activities.
Emmy for biggest winner:
30 Rock aka Tina Fey...yea they pretty much won everything
Emmy for biggest loser:
Lauren Conrad who managed to mess up the easiest part of being the announcer. Yes, when you are supposed to say "and the Emmy goes to". Go back to pretending you life is interesting and unscripted.